Reflection - How God Compensates for Our Lack

How God Compensates for Our Lack

When an American presidential candidate chooses a vice president in the run up to the elections or post winning the elections, he does so with one critical ‘need’ in mind.

Does his choice of the vice-presidential candidate have the competencies and connections to influence the US Congress to support the president in all that he wants to do and achieve during his term?

How critically do we think of this ‘need’ in our own life when choosing a life partner for our ourselves? Do we have a sense of how the person who we are saying ‘yes’ to in holy matrimony will complete us? Are we even aware of the ‘needs’ beyond surface level characteristics, interests, ambitions, education, professional status (and earnings) and family history?

When we have known a person for a long time, perhaps, the need-fit is taken care of. We make the jump accepting the partner’s proposal and then announce to our family of our decision. Then all hell breaks loose or there is quiet acceptance of the ‘surprise’ decision by members of both families. It just the opposite in ‘arranged’ marriages where the family acceptance is as important as the couples accepting each other; in some cases, the family dynamics has a larger role.

When we are in a friendly relationship, each one at the end of the day goes back to their respective homes. However, when we are setting up our home, it calls for a different level of emotional maturity to live together sharing space and jointly possessing everything. We are committed for good and for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us apart. None can predict the future. But, the future, whatever it is, will make demands; it will test the frailty and strength of the relationship - the bond – which barely 50% of the married couples in the developed economy survive.

What is the missing ingredient that does a marriage apart before “unto death" does’?

The unpredictability of the future and the ‘divinity’ of the couple to honor their marital vows. “Marriages are made in heaven” and on heaven our eyes must be set to find fulfillment in our married life.

When the marriage in indeed conceived in heaven, as it ought to be, we can be assured of God’s provision to sustain the goodwill on the part of both partners to live out their marital vows. When we seek God’s consent and seek his will in the choice of the partner, you can be assured that He will bless with a partner who complements you in what you’re lacking and what is your liking.

Marriage is a Sacrament. There are three who form a covenant. Man, woman, and Jesus.

When a marriage falls apart there is only one reason for it: Jesus the third partner, had not been acknowledged and heeded by one or the other partner or by both the partners.

Jesus stands at the threshold of the ‘new’ home, knocking at the door, asking to come in and sup with the couple, to share His wisdom, and iron out their differences, if any. (Rev 3:20)

In any marriage, when two alien minds come together there are bound to be differences. At the basic level there will be gender level differences, which is natural, but can be a cause for stress in the marriage, if not understood and worked upon by both the partners.

The BIG one is the differences arising from each one’s upbringing. Some have a secure upbringing with nothing much lacking in their life. They tend to be serene, sure of themselves in a nice way, unruffled generally with life’s ups and downs, unless it is something too personal for them and beyond their comfort zone.

Others, who have had an insecure upbringing, tend to be guarded at one level. Providentially though, the same insecurity that pervades their life, also helps them build counteracting strengths that helps them accomplish much in their life.

Some, of course, are beaten by their insecurities and fall prey to all the ills of life. Though some do recover remarkably and are a great source of support for those in similar situations. They are able to empathize. They know the agony of being in a state of perpetual insecurity.

The other manageable differences are really to do with holding diametrically opposite opinion on just about every issue or topic on hand. These could be differences in approaches to child rearing with long-term implications, differences in taste in food or friends, differences in preferred source of entertainment or relaxation, differences in spending and managing expenses, differences in family status - who brings in what to the family kitty … the differences can be ad infinitum … all happening while continuing to be committed to making a life together…until break point … when life becomes unbearable for one partner or both … and its kaput for the covenanted marriage.

We have two biblical examples of marriages that nearly did not happen and needed God’s intervention. We too need to pray for these interventions to have a good God anointed marriage and when we are faced with challenges post our marriage.

It happened to the first family when Joseph learnt that Mary was with child. Archangel Gabriel intervened. (Matthew 1:18-25)

Tobias had to survive the demon Asmodeus who had killed all of Sarah’s previous seven husbands.  Tobias survived thanks to the intervention of Archangel Raphael.

Like Archangel Raphael who stood in the breach for Tobias and Sarah, St Gabriel stood in the breach for Mary and Joseph to bridge and build the relationships.

The two examples are an illustration of the holiness of marriage and God’s direct intervention through His archangels to save covenanted marriages.

Good and long-lasting marriages have some characteristics that bear remembering:

A. The marriage must be permitted and approved by the elders, especially the parents, which is an invitation by the elders and the parents to welcome the couple to each other’s community and to receive their combined blessings – from both the families and the communities. It is a way of giving reverence to the fourth commandment of God: Honor their father and your mother in which rests the promise of prosperity and long life.

These blessings would be both - spiritual and material - to help the couple to set up their own home, since the couple’s individual networth at their age will not be enough – and to that extent their home with the essentials needed becomes that much more welcoming when the parents, relatives and friends visit home – to provide a comfortable stay or reception for them.

B. The couple themselves must sanctify the marriage by giving precedence to prayer and worship – thanking the Lord for the union – before consummation of their marriage, as advised by Archangel Raphael to Tobias and Sarah who diligently obeyed.

It was just not the fish heart and liver on the incense which did the trick of saving Tobias’ life and their marriage, but their thanksgiving prayer which with the incense rose to the heavens making the demon flee from their life and from ever interfering in their marriage.

C. The church sanctifies the marriage in the Eucharistic celebrations through the presence of Jesus as the third partner in the marriage. The couple too must carry that moment in their hearts for their rest of their life. Let not the Eucharistic celebration simply be a photo-op for posterity, rather a living and elevating part of the marriage bond.

D. The children the couple bear should be raised with the tenets of the Christian faith hung like an amulet round their neck – a constant reminder to who they owe their life to, and the blessings they enjoy and the threats that are repelled without their knowing.

E. The differences that will be part of any married couple’s life must be sorted out in prayer before retiring to bed – on the very first night if possible, if not at least the second, but definitely by the third. A delay would only make reconciliation ever so harder with every passing day. And, every day so lived is keeping the Good Lord, locked out from our life, even though He knocks fervently to open the door to Him, so that He can sup with us and rekindle the loving spirit as only He can.

F. Remember as married couples with children, we must aim to be role models to our children and for the community in praise of God Almighty. He is the only reason that marriages remain strong and provide joy that is matchless and cannot be had by any other means.

Marriage is a sacred contract, pure in its purpose "to go forth and multiply", that keeps us connected to God when lived "covenanted" in the shadow of His presence.