When the divine is ignored
October 27, 2026
Marriage is a strange bond. I walked my daughter to the altar and handed her over to a stranger to me until a few weeks and months ago, but not a stranger to my daughter. They exchanged vows with ‘for better, for worse.’ And, frankly, that’s what marriage is (it can go sideways). More often when among strangers, less between childhood sweethearts or those who have known each other for long. Interfaith marriages have their challenges.
The Catholic Church takes the sacrament of marriage very seriously. Divorce is not kosher. Many still divorce and marry again, but that marriage will not be recognised by the Catholic Church if the Church has not annulled the earlier marriage.
My wife and I were strangers to each other, and even our families, until three months before we tied the knot. After meeting and taking up the gauntlet thrown, we bonded. Quite deeply, I should think. We have five adult children today. Most marriages in traditional societies are forged among families that know each other. In certain communities, the niece marries the maternal uncle, presumably to stay within the community and preserve family wealth.
When the alliance is brokered, the families are at the broker’s mercy. The broker’s job is to spin tales, to make the unpalatable acceptable, often shorn of facts. Nobody will reveal suppressed family secrets to a paid vassal. Mollywood is replete with movies of brokers playing mischief. In Drishyam 3, the broker is paid off by the groom’s parents to ensnare Georgekutty’s daughter, to settle old scores, and demean the girl. The movie has a happy ending, Bollywood style: cops, hero (Mohanlal) turn up just in time to rescue the girl.
I have known of flying-in marriages. Migratory birds. The suitor from the US has a two-week break, true of most people overseas, except in the Gulf. The alliance is stitched together with a photograph and the legend that follows in a matrimonial column. They speak online. Enquiries go up to the fourth generation. Engagement, madhuram veppu, and marriage are all wrapped up at warp speed. Promises of the bride joining the groom are made. The groom disappears into the ether. And worse happens when the bride joins her husband. Grim, to say the least.
In these two-minute Maggie Noodle marriages, I wonder when marriage counselling, an essential for marriage in the Church, is observed. More often than not, in the breach. The marrying parties find it a pain. Parents believe it is a waste of time. In fact, two doctors were getting married. The quip was: What was a celibate priest going to teach doctors about the human body and its part in a marriage? In this instance, the couple had jobs overseas; despite restrictions on leave, they ensured they completed the 4-week course in person in its spirit.
The parent’s comment, notwithstanding, the course was an important part of their vow ‘for better, for worse’. Those who cannot find time for counselling, will they make time for each other if they are so busy? When every second marriage ends up in divorce, a conservative estimate, is the Church in error in insisting on marriage counselling to avoid the ‘inevitable’?
In a Sacramental Marriage, when the vows are taken and administered, the officiating priest is persona Christi, standing in the place of Christ. Hence, the vow is not between two, but amongst three, to hold the marriage sacred, as Jesus exhorts when questioned by the Pharisees: He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” (Mt 19:8)
Jesus is the bridegroom. The Church is the bride. The alliance was brokered by a relative, John the Baptist. He knew Jesus from when they were in the womb of their mothers, Elizabeth and Mary of Nazareth. It did not appear that they were in contact or were best friends or anything. But John the Baptist knew enough to make an impassioned recommendation.
The next day John the Baptist was standing with two of his own followers. Jesus walked by. John looked at Him and said, “See! The Lamb of God.” John’s two followers heard him say this and followed Jesus. (Jn 1:35-36).
As happens in most marriages, when the alliance is to be confirmed, the families visit each other’s homes and meet the relatives, and do the math on the net worth of the respective families based on the value of the home, if owned, and how many sisters and brothers, and the apportioning of ancestral properties. This is made-up broker talk with no credence whatsoever, yet alliances are formed based on a fibber’s glib talk. The parties want to be done with it. Sad!
Andrew and the unnamed disciple were doing the same. Making enquiries. Jesus turned around and saw them following. He said to them, “What are you looking for?” They answered, “Teacher, where are you staying?” He said to them, “Come and see.” They followed Him and saw where He lived. They stayed with Him that day. It was about four o’clock in the afternoon. (Jn 1: 38-39)
Andrew bought into the groom’s credentials and informed the rest of the family. Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, was one of the two who had heard John’s words and had followed Jesus. The first thing he did was to find his brother Simon. He said to him, “We have found the Christ!” Andrew took Simon to Jesus. When Jesus saw Simon, He said, “You are Simon, the son of John. Your name will be Cephas.” The name Cephas means Peter, or a rock. (Jn 1: 40-42)
Did the marriage have teething problems? Sure, it did. Betrayal by Judas. Denial by Peter. Desertion by disciples. “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” (Jn 6:60). Suitors left. Bride stayed. The marriage was sacred.
The bride, the Church, of Jesus was built on an indestructible rock. It is a solid marriage. “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it”. (Mt 16:18)
- Mathew Anthony
