For persistence in hope and sanctification
September 30, 2026
I have an explosive temper. It is like a land mine. It goes off only when someone steps on it. Otherwise, I am a paragon of gentility.
The last time it went off was when my wife was panicking about the lady who potentially had a heart attack and succumbed to it. It was not the case; by the Grace of God.
Over two recent reflections, ‘Let Your Yes Be Yes and No Be No’ and ‘What Were You Doing When It Happened ’, I have referred to this episode.
Why did I explode at my wife? Let’s put it down to male chauvinism. I had suggested a few workarounds to deal with the issue. I retired to bed. When woken up at 4 am, with the issue still on fire, throwing my wife into palpitations, I lost it. Boom!
I have been praying that the Good Lord would take this weakness away. For decades. No help from the Good Lord. If there is a land mine, I will step on it. It will explode. I have to make peace with the notion that it is here to stay. Like St Paul’s ‘Thorn in the Flesh’ issue. (2 Cor 12:7)
Do prayers help? I don’t know. When we are sick, we are sick. We have to live with that sickness for seven or ten days if it is a viral fever, cough or cold. Nothing to be done but take tablets, rest, recuperate, and get better.
Can I do this with my temper? Is there a medication that will take care of it? Do I want to take such a medication? Of course not.
It is event-driven. I cannot control the event. I cannot anticipate the event. It just comes on you. It is like a panic attack or a feeling of claustrophobia when I find myself suddenly surrounded by a lot of people.
It is episodic. I don’t suffer from claustrophobia in the crowded Mumbai Suburban Local trains. Mumbaikars will know what I mean. The trains are a lifeline to this vast island city. When you are a regular commuter on these locals, you get trained in Csíkszentmihályi’s concept of ‘flow’
The ‘flow’ of boarding and disembarking. Discipline is important. The boarder and ‘disembarker’ must stay still, eyeing the train as it streams into the station. Then merge into the tsunami wave. That’s how to embark and alight from a Mumbai Local. They have to be in the flow, not watching as a spectator, but as an active commuter, and you will be on the train.
When you alight, you may be spewed out at the wrong station, not the one you intended to get off at. It is OK. Take the next Local due in 90 seconds. Go with the flow.
I get panic attacks in traffic when the car stops. From the windshield, you can see dots. They are cars, buses, lorries, receding into the horizon, miraculously, without movement. I breathe deeply to gain control. My instinct, if I am being driven, is to get out of the car and walk to the horizon. And let the driver catch up.
Exactly what a surgeon did and became a social media legend: the husband of a doctor who attends to us, who ditched his driver and car. He had a critical surgery in half an hour. He knew that if he jogged, he would arrive on time and skip the gym that day. His wife was cynical about her husband’s theatrics. She said her husband just wanted media attention. Some truth to that. How was he filmed running to the hospital? Hmmm.
I comfort myself that I am, and my fellowmen (I know a few), who have anger-management issues, are in august company. I don’t justify it. I regret it. In fact, I have a deal with God. Every time I transgress, I stub my toe in reparation. Not intentionally. It happens divinely. Like God allowed Satan to trouble Job, likewise with me. (Job 1:6-22) God has been merciful. Only some of my toenails have gone permanently black.
St. Paul and Pope Francis have anger-management issues. Paul’s conduct is enshrined forever in the Word of God. Pope Francis was caught on camera. The news channel went ballistic. It was New Year’s Eve 2020.
The Pope was in St. Peter’s Square after his New Year’s Eve liturgy. He was walking to visit the Vatican’s nativity scene. He was greeting worshippers. After reaching out to touch a child, a woman grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her sharply, causing him to stumble.
Pope Francis appeared visibly angry when the woman did not let go; he slapped her hand to free himself. In his New Year’s Day address, the Pope apologised for the incident. He said: “I apologise for the poor example yesterday”, while speaking about the importance of patience.
A girl followed Paul and cried out, saying, “These men are the servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to us the way of salvation.” And this she did for many days. But Paul, greatly annoyed, turned and said to the spirit, “I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her.” And he came out that very hour. But when her masters saw that their hope of profit was gone, they seized Paul and Silas and dragged them into the marketplace to the authorities. (Acts 16:17-19)
One can pray for a calm, a sedate, unruffled persona, land mine or otherwise. And we must, for the sake of our family members who bear the brunt of such bad behaviour. Have mercy, O Lord! Having decided to come to peace with not having peace on the issue, I hope I will somehow scrape a modicum of good behaviour sometime in the future. While Anger is my angst, which of the seven deadly sins are yours: Lust, Pride, Envy, Greed, Gluttony, Wrath or Sloth?
- Mathew Anthony
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