Do you regret your regrets?

Do you regret your regrets?

Do I have regrets? I don’t have big regrets. Why? God invariably intervenes and saves me from costly mistakes.

We had bought a property – a small plot – in an area outside of the city. The path to the property was less trodden. There was no tarred road access. Around the time we bought the property, I also ventured out on my own. Four years into my new venture, I had financial difficulties. The only asset we had was the small plot of land. Kind of Naboth’s land (1 Kings 21), but no, Ahab was taking over. I was giving over.

During a casual talk with a friend, an interest in buying the plot was expressed. My friend and his father, who was going to finance the deal, were led by me to the plot, which had seen no development. I could not identify the plot in the vast ‘wasteland’.

I can only guess what was going through the potential buyers' minds. I felt foolish and bad dragging them so far out and coming a cropper, unable to identify the property I wanted to sell. We returned a disappointed lot – buyer could not buy – seller could not sell.

Ten years later we built a house on the property. On the small plot I could not find. First house in over six acres of the converted land. Still lacking a tarred road.  My wife’s frontier or planter’s daughter’s spirit made us take the call because we had the land. Also, in response to rental for the house we were staying in. It matched the EMI I paid on the loan taken to construct the house. Of course, a lot more was needed.

Jesus speaking on ‘The Cost of Being a Disciple’ has this to say to someone like me constructing a house: ²⁸ “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? ²⁹ For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, ³⁰ saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’ Alas, ridicule, again!

I had to tap my family for funds. As we constructed, we felt a bit here and a bit there would go a long way in making the house complete – and so we did it, tapping into the savings of our parents and siblings. These are the times that the idea of family transcends all other relationships. A gift of God like no other.

God saw ten years ahead and blinded me when I took the potential buyers to the site – for God saw a home there – which was the last thing on my mind, overwhelmed by financial concerns. God intervened. I looked foolish in the potential buyer's presence. But God salvaged me from committing a grave error by his ‘blinding’ intervention.

But there are occasions when God can help, but the initiative has to be mine – not God’s as in the former case.

People who made it in life, by committing themselves to their work, when asked what is their one big regret – if married with children – will say I could not spend enough time with my family. They missed the children’s PTA meeting, and the sports day, and moments of great joy and great sorrow of their growing years – they were left to fend for themselves.

It was not my case. God ensured I never got so busy with work that I could not take time for the milestones in my family’s life.

So, what is my regret? There are many times in my life when I could have handled a situation much better – but did woefully badly - it surprised even me. How could I be such a dolt?

At my workplace, I let down colleagues by not standing up for them. I resigned from my job when that was the last thing my boss expected of me. At home, I dominated the conversation and would not let a different view slip through. And so on. And so forth.

I was full of myself, and I still am. It will take some undoing. It requires me to recognise that I am allowing my ego to dictate how I should conduct myself – just because I can. God can help, but I need to do the work. I need to stop short when the impulse engulfs me, to assert and win a point. I need to tell myself. It is not important. I will win the battle, but lose the war of cherished relationships.

When I take the initiative, God steps in and makes it possible. He has a plan for me. Like a sculptor or potter, He chisels and forms me. I need to let Him. I should be OK being told rather than telling. Not to be the big pole in the family tent, but the ‘guy lines’ sheltering the family (tent) from storms, soggy exterior, and seepage of ‘dirt’ into the tent. This extends to the community we work in and any other areas of our life where God wants us to make an impact for His Kingdom by our conduct – that is righteous and becoming of a Christian.

The three quotes from Revelation below represent the three sections of the narration. Nothing to regret: God intervened. Lots to regret: God did not intervene; allowed me to feel the pain of my behaviour. However, behaviour shaped over time takes time; but God is willing to wait.

I look forward to the day – really at a distance of this writing – when God would say to me as He said to the Church of Ephesus (Rev 2: 1-7):

These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. ² I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. ³ You have persevered, have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

I hope I would not be at the end of this rebuke:

⁴ Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. ⁶ But you have this in your favour: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans (substitute with our own “Nicolaitans”), which I also hate. ⁷ Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the victorious one, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

We also hear of God wanting to forgive the worst of the worst, reserving His judgment, up to a point, a lesson for all of us, who do not want to change. Rev 2: 20-23:

²⁰ Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. ²¹ I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. ²² So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. ²³ I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds.

If we have regrets, we need to deal with them. If we don’t have regrets, introspect. If you have considered yourself beyond the pale of sin and temptation or are blind to your weaknesses, then judgement awaits.  God is waiting!

-        Mathew Anthony