Atonement
Making a good confession
After the Miraculous Catch of Fish (Lk 5:8), Simon Peter, fell at Jesus
knees, “Go away from me, Lord,” he said, “for I am a sinful man.”
What must be the power resonating from Jesus at that moment that the
smallest of sins of Peter felt like a boulder hanging from his heart, heavy enough
to buckle his knees, to fall at the feet of Jesus?
Peter’s asking for pardon was like a man with leprosy shouting as he
progresses, “Unclean! Unclean!”. He did not want Jesus to be infected with his sin.
Such was the nobility of Peter. Or such was the divinity of the person without
sin that He inspired an earnest, sincere, grief-stricken, penitent response
from Peter.
Let’s stay with Peter for a bit and witness another heart-breaking encounter
with Jesus.
Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: "Before the
rooster crows twice you will disown me three times." And he broke down and
wept. (Mk 14:72)
Peter wore his emotions on his sleeves. Unlike Nathanael, who Jesus
characterized as without ‘guile’ (Jn 1:47); Peter was always up to something.
Peter reminds you of Dennis the ‘lovable’ menace and Henry Mitchell’s response
when he sees Dennis, “Here comes trouble”.
Jesus loved Peter for who Peter was. Peter’s heart was in the right
place. Must have been a toss-up for Jesus between Peter and John, the disciple
that Jesus loved; but Peter was deemed the Rock of the Church, the Vicar of
Christ; Pope Francis being the 267th successor of St Peter.
What a long history the Church has. The reed that bends does not
break. The Church has someone like Peter as a model – an open book – but uncharacteristically
pious. Peter’s atonement is always instant and dramatic. A leaf can be taken
from Peter’s life by each one of us on how to make a confession.
“While he was still
speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked
at Peter. (Lk 22:60-61)
Oh! What must have been the look that the Lord gave Peter? It would have
seared Peter’s heart. How does one even look into the eyes of the one who has
been betrayed, not just anyone, but a Master who was your delight, your
everything; after repeated uncalled-for assurances to protect and fight to the
last breath? Jesus eyes were not of condemnation, but of grief for Peter, for Jesus
knew how torn Peter will be, after the fact.
Jesus absolutely had to pardon Peter.
Each time Jesus said, “Feed my sheep,” it was in
response to Peter’s three-fold declaration of love for Jesus. The
setting was one of the last of Jesus’ post-resurrection appearances
to His disciples on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. Jesus prepared
a breakfast of fish and bread for them, and then commissioned Peter with
the task of feeding His sheep and tending His lambs. (Jn
21:15-17)
St Thomas profession of faith, “My Lord and my
God!” (Jn 20:28) is the clearest declaration of Jesus’s divinity in the Holy
Scripture. The declaration came after Jesus fulfilled Thomas’ condition for believing
in Him, “Put your finger here and look at My hands. Reach out
your hand and put it into My side. Stop doubting and believe.” (Jn 20:27)
The Scripture does not
tell us whether Thomas actually touched the wounds. Nevertheless, the invitation
and inclination to touch must have been electrifying. If Thomas did touch the
wounds, it would have felt like electrocution, an ecstatic surge in his body.
When we confess our sins, do we feel any surge of emotions? Do we perceive
the priest sitting in the confessional as Jesus Himself who suffered, died and
rose again, and that only Jesus can forgive our sins?
The New Testament frequently quotes the actions of the Ninevites on how
to ask for forgiveness.
“And the Ninevites
believed God. They proclaimed a fast and dressed in sackcloth, from the greatest
of them to the least. When word reached the king of Nineveh, he
got up from his throne, took off his royal robe, covered himself with
sackcloth, and sat in ashes.” (Jonah 3:5-6)
Why is our repentance, of being penitent for our sins, largely lacklustre?
I speak for myself. Is it because I feel that I don’t sin? I have not stolen,
or murdered or committed adultery. Or committed any of those grave or mortal
sins. Do I go for confession to a priest to please the Church Fathers, who encourage
that a good confession be made at least twice a year: before Easter and
Christmas?
It was not ecstatic, in a manner of speaking, but a little more meaningful,
when my wife, brother and my mother travelled to Lourdes, France and just about
made it for the confessions before lunch break. Perhaps it was just being at
Lourdes. Or perhaps it was the injunction that a confession before the bath would
be merited to us.
“Enter
a bath filled with water from the spring that flows in the Grotto of
the apparitions and experience something unique. “Go and drink at the spring
and wash yourself there!” These words of the Virgin Mary to Bernadette during
one of the apparitions inspired the creation of the baths near the
Grotto in which the pilgrims are immersed.”
And,
then again at Medjugorje, when I felt I must seek forgiveness from my mother
for hurts I have caused her by not being truly attentive to her and for the
arguments that we have had. Seeking forgiveness from my mother helped me
grow spiritually and in our relationship. Seeking forgiveness from God by
seeking forgiveness from those we may have hurt is the sole and express purpose
of a good confession.
Lourdes
has a leaflet that helps prepare the would-be penitent to make a good confession.
Under three headings it provides a checklist. I have chosen to highlight just two
under each heading which I thought was meaningful to me.
1. Jesus
said, ‘You will love the Lord your God with all your heart …”
a. Do I
allow the Lord to be the Lord or do I try to be Lord myself?
b. Am I
ashamed to witness to my faith in God in my daily life?
2. Jesus
said, “Love your neighbour as yourself …”
a. Do I
think enough about those who are less fortunate?
b. I am
well-disposed and able to forgive offences?
3. Jesus
said, “Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect”
a. Have I
gone against my conscience out of fear or hypocrisy?
b. Am I too
concerned about myself, my health, and my success?
The
root cause of our misery is not, having money or not having money, but our desire,
no passion, to hold on to an old grudge for apparent offenses against us which
we feel is undeserved and unprovoked.
What is
worse is when the grudge exists within us, unaddressed, cropping its head up when
the name of the person is mentioned, and we pine to say something uncharitable,
we probably say it too – but still stay in denial that we actually harbour a
grudge against the person.
James in
his epistle (3:1-11) talks about the incendiary nature of the tongue of man;
horses and ships can be tamed with bits in the mouth and a rudder respectively,
but a loose tongue …?
“The tongue is a small part
of the body, but it boasts of great things. Consider how small a spark sets a
great forest ablaze. The tongue also is a fire, a world of wickedness among the
parts of the body. It pollutes the whole person, sets the course of his life on
fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures of the sea
are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can
tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
“With the
tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been
made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come blessing
and cursing. My brothers, this should not be!”
At the
confessional, we confess with the same tongue but unlikely that the tongue will
confess and convict itself. It has to be reined in or exposed with the power of
the Holy Spirit to speak the truth and not canards (lying even at confession
when confessing). For more is hidden in our confession than is revealed,
doing no justice to the sacrament and the purpose for which it has been instituted.
We need
not or will not wear sackcloth or put ashes on our head or fast and then seek
the sacrament of confession. Perhaps fasting may be a good touch to expressing
penitence.
What we
need is to aim for a confession – when we have confessed – we feel a weight off
our chest. There is palpable relief. We imagine the wounds of Jesus flattening out
and disappearing as we make a good confession and the commitment not to sin
again. In our heart not only do we feel light but in our body, there is a sense
of healing of our own wounds.
Tuesday 5 May 2020
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