Miscarriage in Marriage

 When the divine is ignored

Mathew Anthony

just now

October 27, 2026

Marriage is a strange bond. I walked my daughter to the altar and handed her over to a stranger to me until a few weeks and months ago, but not a stranger to my daughter. They exchanged vows with ‘for better, for worse.’ And, frankly, that’s what marriage is (it can go sideways). More often when among strangers, less between childhood sweethearts or those who have known each other for long. Interfaith marriages have their challenges.

The Catholic Church takes the sacrament of marriage very seriously. Divorce is not kosher. Many still divorce and marry again, but that marriage will not be recognised by the Catholic Church if the Church has not annulled the earlier marriage.

My wife and I were strangers to each other, and even our families, until three months before we tied the knot. After meeting and taking up the gauntlet thrown, we bonded. Quite deeply, I should think. We have five adult children today. Most marriages in traditional societies are forged among families that know each other. In certain communities, the niece marries the maternal uncle, presumably to stay within the community and preserve family wealth.

When the alliance is brokered, the families are at the broker’s mercy. The broker’s job is to spin tales, to make the unpalatable acceptable, often shorn of facts. Nobody will reveal suppressed family secrets to a paid vassal. Mollywood is replete with movies of brokers playing mischief. In Drishyam 3, the broker is paid off by the groom’s parents to ensnare Georgekutty’s daughter, to settle old scores, and demean the girl. The movie has a happy ending, Bollywood style: cops, hero (Mohanlal) turn up just in time to rescue the girl.

I have known of flying-in marriages. Migratory birds. The suitor from the US has a two-week break, true of most people overseas, except in the Gulf. The alliance is stitched together with a photograph and the legend that follows in a matrimonial column. They speak online. Enquiries go up to the fourth generation. Engagement, madhuram veppu, and marriage are all wrapped up at warp speed. Promises of the bride joining the groom are made. The groom disappears into the ether. And worse happens when the bride joins her husband. Grim, to say the least.

In these two-minute Maggie Noodle marriages, I wonder when marriage counselling, an essential for marriage in the Church, is observed. More often than not, in the breach. The marrying parties find it a pain. Parents believe it is a waste of time. In fact, two doctors were getting married. The quip was: What was a celibate priest going to teach doctors about the human body and its part in a marriage? In this instance, the couple had jobs overseas; despite restrictions on leave, they ensured they completed the 4-week course in person in its spirit.

The parent’s comment, notwithstanding, the course was an important part of their vow ‘for better, for worse’. Those who cannot find time for counselling, will they make time for each other if they are so busy? When every second marriage ends up in divorce, a conservative estimate, is the Church in error in insisting on marriage counselling to avoid the ‘inevitable’?

In a Sacramental Marriage, when the vows are taken and administered, the officiating priest is persona Christi, standing in the place of Christ. Hence, the vow is not between two, but amongst three, to hold the marriage sacred, as Jesus exhorts when questioned by the Pharisees: He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” (Mt 19:8)

Jesus is the bridegroom. The Church is the bride. The alliance was brokered by a relative, John the Baptist. He knew Jesus from when they were in the womb of their mothers, Elizabeth and Mary of Nazareth. It did not appear that they were in contact or were best friends or anything. But John the Baptist knew enough to make an impassioned recommendation.

The next day John the Baptist was standing with two of his own followers. Jesus walked by. John looked at Him and said, “See! The Lamb of God.” John’s two followers heard him say this and followed Jesus. (Jn 1:35-36).

As happens in most marriages, when the alliance is to be confirmed, the families visit each other’s homes and meet the relatives, and do the math on the net worth of the respective families based on the value of the home, if owned, and how many sisters and brothers, and the apportioning of ancestral properties. This is made-up broker talk with no credence whatsoever, yet alliances are formed based on a fibber’s glib talk. The parties want to be done with it. Sad!

Andrew and the unnamed disciple were doing the same. Making enquiries. Jesus turned around and saw them following. He said to them, “What are you looking for?” They answered, “Teacher, where are you staying?” He said to them, “Come and see.” They followed Him and saw where He lived. They stayed with Him that day. It was about four o’clock in the afternoon. (Jn 1: 38-39)

Andrew bought into the groom’s credentials and informed the rest of the family. Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, was one of the two who had heard John’s words and had followed Jesus. The first thing he did was to find his brother Simon. He said to him, “We have found the Christ!” Andrew took Simon to Jesus. When Jesus saw Simon, He said, “You are Simon, the son of John. Your name will be Cephas.” The name Cephas means Peter, or a rock. (Jn 1: 40-42)

Did the marriage have teething problems? Sure, it did. Betrayal by Judas. Denial by Peter. Desertion by disciples. “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” (Jn 6:60). Suitors left. Bride stayed. The marriage was sacred.

The bride, the Church, of Jesus was built on an indestructible rock. It is a solid marriage. “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it”. (Mt 16:18)

- Mathew Anthony

How Worthy Are We?

 God Alone Knows.

Mathew Anthony

just now

October 26, 2026

Folks take great pride in their pets. Pomeranians, pugs, poodles, dachshunds, cocker spaniels, German shepherds and golden retrievers. They are family to them. They mourn their loss.

The pets are not very demanding. Nor is an infant. Their needs and wants revolve around food, comfort, walks, and sleep. Slip on any of them, and they are no more angels. They have bodily compulsions that must be attended to, or they will bring the roof down.

Humans can think, feel, and do. So do our fellow canines. They do think. For their security and the security of the hand that feeds them. They do feel when the weather turns harsh, or when they lose a mate or a family member. And they do. Fetch a ball or unearth drugs and trapped bodies or hunt down an assailant.

Domesticated dogs can also misunderstand a human gesture of affection. They perceive it as manhandling. They will attack should a hand be laid on their owner. They attack the points of contact between the two to free the one they hold dear. It could be jealousy too.

When a stranger enters the house, the child is suspicious. So is a dog. While a child is defenceless if the intent is sinister, the dog isn’t. Begs the question. Can they can tell right from wrong? Can they be held to account for the bad that they do? Yes, they are put to sleep on earth. Do they have an afterlife for further accountability?

A moot point for canines, but not so for human beings. There is accountability on earth as in the afterlife. Regardless of whether there is an afterlife or not, some men live their humanity on earth and others their inhumanity. Others (unless it is pathological or a tumour pressing the amygdala, triggering homicidal tendencies) justify their conduct as being for a larger cause.

This is where the question of right or wrong comes up. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Gen 3:5)

Humans, biblically, are incapable of knowing good from evil. When we look around us, we see that it is true. Might is right. Power is heady. A coterie rules and brutalises. It attracts the corrupt and the infantile. They feel invincible. No more human. More Wolverine with unbridled power. Reckoning will come to them. Dead or behind bars.

Canines show more soul. One seemingly without a soul or conscience. Despite the lack, they know how to use their power. Despite their strength, they show great temperance. They attack only if they are attacked or when they have become pathologically deviant to maul the helpless.

When we gain power, or too much money for our own good, our conscience declines by the same measure. It goes dormant. We grow anaesthetised to sin. We don’t see it or feel it. We are not just dead, but have become deadly. Our values vaporise with the first contact with power and wealth. Power and wealth are needed to experience pride, lust, wrath, envy, gluttony, greed, and sloth. The potency of one makes the other impotent. What was always subtle now becomes anonymised. The medical conditions we suffer are not necessarily because of these sins, but they are contributory. So, let’s address it to be good with God.

Is being proud of our achievements pride? No, it is motivating. When does it become a sin? When we take a dim view of others. When we treat our God-given gift as something to hoard, not share. When we expect to be treated differently. Desire a place of distinction. (Mt 23:6)

Beauty is meant to be in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is to be appreciated. When beauty becomes objectified, that is, stripped of its humanness, it becomes lust. Humanity is respecting the other. Humanity is doing good for the other. Lust is the antithesis of being humane.

Wrath occurs because we are hurt. Hurt is like an iceberg. We are conscious of only a fraction of the hurt we feel. The rest is buried in our unconscious. We have accumulated hurts through our life. Some are from birth that we are not even aware of, and others have recently occurred. We can only do something about (if we want to) what we are aware of, not what we do not it even know exists. Which is why we are not able to understand why we get angry. Light or livid - both have consequences. The conscious: we must deal with the conscience. The unconscious: with prayer. We know we are succeeding or failing by the frequency of our outbursts.

Envy is easiest to handle. Don’t desire what you don’t have. Be happy for someone who does have. What you have, cherish it. Be grateful for it. When do we really cherish what we have? When it is taken away. Like during a power cut. We are grateful for uninterrupted power.

So is gluttony. Easily resolved. Stop eating beyond your needs. People do so in excess to compensate for a lack in their life. Peace, joy, love. This would seem contradictory. Those who are overweight or known to be jolly. Maybe gluttony perversely has its merits. People can also be genetically overweight, as some are lean just by genetics irrespective of their dietary habits. But to do it excessively just because you can is a sin when we live in a world where the larger majority on this planet cannot manage even one decent meal a day. Alcoholism, drugs, and loose living are other signs of excess just because we can. It is tragic when excessiveness results in starvation. When the powerful become powerless, and the rich must beg to live.

Greed is an issue of conscience like gluttony. If your only source of joy is depriving someone else of having their fill, then a God who is compassionate is unlikely to be kind to those who are not. Slothfulness is also a form of greed. Greed for binge-watching shows. Greed to skip one’s responsibility and lay the burden on another to provide. Hibernation is for bears and alligators. They are ectothermic. They can live without food for months. Man cannot. Not to work is a sin.

How worthy are we? Better than canines? Better be. They are animals. They don’t have to account for their deeds on earth. You and I do.

- Mathew Anthony

The Importance of Non-Doing

 To do.

Mathew Anthony

20 minutes ago

October 25, 2026

I am not into plantae. My wife is. A planter’s daughter, continuing her father’s legacy. We bought a plot of land on the outskirts of the city before it began to burst at its seams.

The land was stripped by the developer of every living organism, including a sapling that muscled its way out of the soil. The earthmovers mauled it to its roots. The idea was to achieve line of sight to map out the plots. An interesting expression, ‘line of sight’, which originally meant a straight line from the muzzle of an artillery piece to a target. In this case, the boundary stones.

On this bare land, we built our home. The frontier spirit of my wife’s ancestors was alive in my wife. I, a city dweller, baulked at the thought. Escalating rents in the city and a growing family of five children made me leap with my wife into this deserted land to own and behold.

My wife’s ancestors, including my wife’s grandfather, a District Medical Officer, at Madras (now Chennai), bought thousands of acres of land in an uninhabited place in Kerala, so far away that boundaries did not matter. The horizon or a stream or a natural earth formation was the fenceless boundary. No neighbours to speak of who would file objections for encroachment.

When the West opened up for settlers who landed on the Eastern shore of the United States, the idea of land ownership was: whoever plants his stake on a piece of land first gets to own and develop it. Then there were cattle ranchers only. There was no industry.

Having chosen to build our house in the tree-less wilderness, which would take at least 18 months, my wife decided to deploy her green thumb. She planted by line of sight in every direction around the house.

After 22 years, there is once again no spot for a sapling to grow outside our home and garden, in a manner of speaking, with buildings having mushroomed in every itty-bitty place around our house. Ours, however, is an oasis, amongst concrete, where camels can rest under the shade of flowering and fruit-bearing trees.

Into this Eden of my wife’s making, I woke this morning to see our driveway festooned by ‘akasha malika’ stalks and petals shed by the preening, aromatic tree, after a night of quiet but incessant rains.

I remarked to my wife that I think our unmarried daughter was going to get a proposal today, for the driveway is in a celebratory mood. My daughter is yet to wake up. She would be shaken out of reverie at the very thought. She dreads losing her charmed sleepy existence to a rise-and-shine type of hubby, which she morphs into when she is awake. But not a second earlier. For that, someone will have to pay dearly.

A farmer was blessed with a heavenly crop of wholesome and singularly high-grade variety corn year after year. His neighbours asked the farmer if he would share the seed with them. He willingly consented. The farmer’s friends, hearing of his generosity with one-of-a-kind seeds, cautioned him about losing his competitive advantage.

The farmer explained, quoting John 3:8, “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” The farmer was a man of the Spirit. He knew the Word of God.

He said the wind carries the pollen from the budding corn to wherever it wishes. When high-grade variety corn has been sown by the neighbours too, and the wind blows his way, I inherit their largesse. If they only have access to low-grade variety, then the wind will carry the pollen of that variety into my farm, ruining my crop. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, even more will be expected. (Lk 12:48)

When you live surrounded by trees on all sides- our garden, the neighbour’s garden, and the trees planted by the wife on the road surrounding the house- and there’s a bird bath on the premises, there is a flock of winged creatures who descend for a morning dip.

The ones competing for the bird bath are bulbuls, hummingbirds, and the like. They don’t fly; they flit, wings flapping at the speed of a jet’s propeller fans. With pauses being rare. Fearful of deadweight bringing them crashing down. Their life is about darting from one mischief to another; with din and racket they announce their existence. They keep low between a cluster of trees, ducking into its foliage, to scuttle attacks. For them is not the philosopher’s life of deep thought or long-term planning. They are skittish; their thought is only of the moment.

Then you have the light crane, which feeds on the fish and weeds in the backwaters. While able to fly continents, when it comes to rest, it stays put. Meditating on one foot. From a fish’s line of sight, the foot would be a piece of wood. Its beak is a snaring arm to snap the wayward fish. It chooses not to be busy. In fact, unbusy at its extreme. It flies not too high, flaps its wings languidly, gliding with the current, and occasionally flapping to adjust altitude. And, back to playing one-legged stool, striking when the fish is nigh. The art of non-doing to do.

And then you have the eagle, who flies high, scans the hunting ground, mostly glides, a paragon of eternal quietude, exerts effort only when the target is in position (line-of-sight), swoops for the kill with its formidable talons and beak primed to finish the job. A parable in ‘non-doing’. Do the least and gain the most.

The bulbuls do the most when their need is the least, with tiny stomachs to fill. The light crane is the happy middle of non-doing to do. The eagle is the exemplar of ‘non-doing’ to do the most. Choosing to live in the suburbs helps with the ‘non-doing’ by replacing busyness with a quieter routine. To think and to do.

- Mathew Anthony

One Day We Will Also Die

Spoke Ecuadorian Priest Father Patricio when preaching the homily at Holy Mass

Mathew Anthony

just now

October 24, 2026

Social media is abuzz with the news of Father Patricio Alfredo Sanchez Molinari, who, during a sermon, uttered the words, “One day, we will also die.”, which became tragically prophetic when a large crucifix hanging behind him fell and struck the back of his head during a livestreamed Mass in Ecuador.

In a tragic coincidence, the priest had been discussing the uncertainty and brevity of life shortly before the accident. He was reflecting on the words of Jesus and the inevitability of death. He also urged members of the congregation not to waste their lives endlessly scrolling on their mobile phones. Instead, he encouraged them to devote more time to God, their families and their loved ones.

The Word of God is for all times. From Adam to Jesus in the Old and New Testaments, God reveals his will to His people. On Friday of the Twenty-ninth Week in Ordinary Time, October 23, 2026, we heard these words from Jesus:

“Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky. How is it that you don’t know how to interpret this present time?” (Lk 12:56)

The Gospel Reading, Saturday of the Twenty-ninth Week in Ordinary Time, October 24, 2026, from Luke 12:54-59 helps us interpret what happened to Father Patricio Alfredo Sanchez Molinari.

Do tragedies happen only to sinners, or are they part of the human journey? Anything can happen to any of us at any time. The Word of God has one purpose: to call us to repentance before the inevitable happens.

Our life on earth is finite, but our afterlife is forever. God is asking us to focus on the afterlife to guide our earthly life. Seek not the rewards of the earth, but the rewards we can behold every day of our lives: Peace, serenity, freed from bodily needs, for we have no body in heaven that will grow old and wither, be struck with sickness and tragedies, or marry. In heaven, we are spirit, as God is spirit. “At the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” (Mt 22:30)

There is no further death after the death on earth. When we die, we are born again into a new life that is everlasting. In the company of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, with Mother Mary, and all the Saints, our departed parents, brothers and sisters, who by self-will or by grace made a deliberate choice to repent before they were bid to come to Him.

In the passage below, Jesus clarifies for those who today debate the manner of Father Patricio Alfredo Sanchez Molinari’s death and ascribe judgment depending on which side of the fence our beliefs lean: faith or faithlessness.

As Father Patricio said, don’t spend your time scrolling for news but on the Word of God. God gives us multiple chances to repent and return to Him: the parable of the man and the fig tree being one of them.

Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’ “‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilise it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’” (Lk 13:6-9)

The man who takes care of the fig tree is Jesus, who is appealing to His Father to allow one more year, pleading not to cut the fig tree down. Jesus appeals to His Father every day for us. One more year. One more year. One more year. Jesus knows we will come around. Yes, He died for us. He did not die in vain. He knows he can gather His flock and bring them around. When we are blessed with such a loving God, how can we resist but heed His call?

Resist we do. We take sides. Not with God, but with God’s fallen angel, Lucifer. His constituency is the ones who reject God. When we look at the world we live in, there is no debate on who is winning. Why is that so? We make it so. Not God, as detractors claim.

God is not a tyrant, as some imply when reading the Old Testament. He has given us free will. What did we do with the free will? We crucified His Son then, and continue to crucify Him every day with our reluctance to repent.

Father Patricio stood under the cross, as priests all over the world do. Will the Catholic Church shift the altar or the cross because of this incident? God forbid! The Cross at the centre of our worship sets us apart from all other Christian denominations.

Some denominations resent the cross. They do not have it, at least not front and centre, as the Catholic Church does, larger than life, commanding our attention, touching every sinew and nerve in our body by its presence. The words from the Book of Deuteronomy challenge people with the truth: Jesus became a curse that we may be saved:

“And if a man has committed a crime punishable by death and he is put to death, and you hang him on a tree, his body shall not remain all night on the tree, but you shall bury him the same day, for a hanged man is cursed by God. You shall not defile your land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.” (Deut 21:22-23)

They don’t want to associate their life with suffering, only abundance, the Gospel of Prosperity. The Catholic Church embraces suffering, poverty, and is built on the Beatitudes, the hallmark of our belief that Jesus preached to us to observe if we desire the afterlife with Him. “I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.” (Lk 13:5)

- Mathew Anthony

Don’t wait till it is too late

 The early bird catches the worm

Mathew Anthony

just now

October 23, 2026

Cupid hangs poised to let loose the arrow, to strike two hearts. Better that Cupid primes the bow and chooses another target. Many a love’s labour perishes at the altar of procrastination. The bird has flown by the time the proposer sums up the courage to breathe out the words to his life’s love; by then she is in seventh heaven with someone else who chose not to choke on his breath, but let the words do the talking and the walking to the altar.

Some wait for seven years for the year of rest to pop the magical words, “Will you marry me”, taking a knee to be knighted by the ‘queen’ as she lays her hand to the suitor’s face and raises him to his feet to kiss her. They have taken to heart Isaiah 40:31, “But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

Some rush where angels fear to tread. They find their wings singed. The air in their sails is winded. Having taken the knee, they rise not. Seized by rigor mortis. The cold air of rejection pulverises their solar plexus. Going into battle unprepared is a risky proposition. Engage courtiers to sound off first, before sounding off in person. There lies success.

We are early investors in land. Way before Bangalore became the IT capital after economic liberalisation in the 90s. The trouble with assets is that they are safe when there’s plenty. Not so when they are scarce. They become, to use a morbid metaphor, carcasses, over which hover vultures, the birds of prey. Our soul is a risky asset. It is priceless. Vultures are hovering over to swoop down to grab it by its talons the moment we drop our guard.

The land that rested in peace now becomes a flashpoint for settlers. Palestine, for instance. ‘There Will Be Blood ’, the 2007 Daniel Day-Lewis-starring movie, is about moral bankruptcy from the ‘loot’ gained from oil discovery. It continues to be the American story to date where morality has been surrendered at the altar of land, oil, fame, wealth, pleasure, and freedom of choice.

After 14 years of sharing a neighbourly relationship. Good fences are meant to make good neighbours. The friendly neighbour, instigated by vested interests, chose to initiate a survey with clear intent to establish that some of his land had been encroached. His survey results exhibited precisely that. A sliver of land was the point of dispute. He wished it to be corrected.

To guard against encroachment, which was endemic, we replaced the flimsy barbed-wire fence with a solid concrete wall bearing the full cost ourselves, respecting the boundary stones. The concrete wall came free for our neighbour, which he did not value. He wanted the sliver.

We did not budge from our resolve that what is now built is built. Fourteen years was a lot of time. The matter could have been considered when there was inexpensive barbed-wire fencing. Our neighbour has taken us to court for the infringement.

“As you are going with your adversary to the magistrate, try hard to be reconciled on the way, or your adversary may drag you off to the judge, and the judge turn you over to the officer, and the officer throw you into prison. I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.” (Lk 12:58-59)

Jesus’ words hang like Damocles’ sword over our heads. The deed is now done. The matter is in the courts. We chose to let the law take its course. It is a fraction of the land. It would make no earthly difference to us. But now the matter is out of our hands and in the hands of the Good Lord and the magistrate who will rule on it. We would like the ruling to be in our favour, for we have invested in a solid wall. We do not want our labour’s love lost. And, once and for all, gain a legal stamp on our ownership.

We also have an ancestral piece of land. With this property, the right of way has become the bone of contention. Most properties have just stones marking the border or a natural mound or stream that forms the chasm that will not be trespassed.

Most country borders are natural boundaries dictated by mountain ranges that separate them. India and China are an instance. The continents are separated by oceans, within which dwell people of similar dispensation until mass-scale migration distorts the configuration.

The right of way is an interesting phenomenon and is the outgrowth of economic progress. A century and a half ago we were two-legged creatures. We walked everywhere, carrying our wares on our heads. We built our homes from the soil of the earth. We can claim we were the soil of the earth. Then from two-legged, we became two-wheeled, even four-legged if we owned a horse-cart. A factoid: the metre gauge railway lines were laid over the existing tracks of Roman chariots. Now we have broad gauge tracks for fast trains.

Times have changed. Mud houses have become mini palaces. Now the horse-cart passage will not do. The right of way is now measured or symbolised by a six-wheeled ‘agitator truck ’-the cement mixer or concrete truck. The land has also become valuable. It is back to the courts unless, out of the largeness of our heart, consent to access is given in good faith.

Jesus was not talking about property issues in Lk 12:58-59 quoted above. Jesus replied to the man who wanted his brother to give him his property, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” (Lk 12:14). Jesus was talking about our present time. “Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky. How is it that you don’t know how to interpret this present time?” (Lk 12:56).

Let it not be too late to reconcile with the neighbour. You cannot do that at the pearly gates. The doors will be shut. Only the pure in heart can walk through a closed door. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” (Mt 5:8) You will pay the last penny in purgatory before you are let in. Don’t wait till it is too late. Reconcile with your brother while you can.

- Mathew Anthony

Do You Love Me

 Until death do us part?

Mathew Anthony

just now

October 21, 2026

Last evening, unusually, I had time to myself to do what I hadn’t done in a long time. Watch a movie. Not in a movie theatre; I could buy a low-fare airline ticket for the price. I watched it on the smallest screen, a mobile phone, then upgraded to a laptop when the movie got really interesting, at no marginal cost; devices and the internet connectivity already paid for.

On my YouTube feed, ‘Shadowlands’ popped up: a 1993 Richard Attenborough movie starring Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger. A true story about one of the most famous Christian writers of our time, C.S. Lewis: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, The Screwtape Letters, and, of course, Mere Christianity, that David Brooks, a New Times Columnist, in a recent podcast on Spirituality with Fr. James Martin, claimed he was gifted 300 copies by well-meaning Christians when he converted from Judaism to Christianity.

Joy Davidson, played by Debra Winger, an American Jew, divorcee, poet, and mother of David Gresham, ten, and Douglas Gresham, eight, writes to Lewis, alias Jack, played by Anthony Hopkins, and asks if she could visit him in Britain as a fellow writer. Jack invites her over.

David Gresham suffered from schizophrenia. He was excluded from the film. His presence was deemed a distraction from the storyline about Jack, Joy, and Douglas, who was bequeathed the rights to Lewis’s works and tasked with keeping them alive, which he does by making Narnia films and giving talks.

Jack, “stooped, bald, professorial gentleman, in shabby clothes, and nicotine-stained fingers” (as Douglas puts it), was a confirmed bachelor and an Oxford don, who stayed with his brother, Warren (Warny), in an estate named ‘Kiln’ (brick kilns used to operate on the property). Jack is smitten by Joy Davidson’s verve, wit, intelligence, and courage, in contrast to his own diffidence. She was American; he was ‘proper’ Irish. But they were of one mind.

At a gala evening at Oxford, a fellow don haughtily told Joy that men are superior to women. Joy responded, if she should perceive the remarks: “As an insult to her womanhood or plain stupidity on his part?” The room fell silent. Lewis steered Joy and himself to safety before the swooning giant fainted on her, and Lewis himself cracked up on the floor.

Lewis marries Joy Davidson in 1956. She is 18 years his junior. They have a private civil marriage, a technical one, so Joy can live in Britain. They live independent lives. Lewis lived at the ‘Kiln’. Joy lived in London with her son. The community believed them to be having an affair, unaware they were married. The reality. They were married, but their relationship was platonic. Of one mind, not of one body.

Barely into their ‘technical’ marriage, Joy collapses at her home. Admitted to hospital, she is diagnosed with 4th-stage terminal cancer. Lewis takes charge of her well-being. Through her diagnosis, they discover their love for each other. Lewis proposes to her on her hospital bed, officiated by a priest who was his student. They have a sacramental marriage where the vows are pregnant with meaning. It wasn’t happenstance.

When Lewis proposed to Joy, the vows literally play out in their life. “For better, for worse”. “For richer, for poorer”. “In sickness and in health”. “Until death do us part”. It did. She died. Four years later. Her son, Douglas, was 14 years old. Lewis became a widower with Douglas and David Gresham as stepchildren. Lewis died four years later. David Gresham too died early.

Douglas Gresham turned out to be a fine boy and an adult, with an eclectic career. At 18 met 21-year-old Merrie. It was love at first sight. They have four biological children and one adopted child. They lived in Tasmania, Australia, and now in Britain. Now, an anointed preacher of the Gospel. They manage multiple charities to address the needs of the least of the brethren.

Their marriage was a paragon of virtuous family life. Douglas was a Christian in the mould of Lewis, his stepfather. Then he sinned. He had an affair with a young girl he was counselling. It shook their marriage. A marriage is tested by infraction.

“Do you love me?” When asked, the automatic response is, “Of course, I do.” “For better, for worse?” It is true until it is not. What is love? St. Thomas Aquinas said, “To love is to will the good of the other”. When it is mutual was not the essence of what Aquinas meant.

What happens when it is not mutual? When Gresham Douglas deviated from his matrimonial commitments by being unfaithful to his wife, Merrie, it was not mutual. It was rejection. By one of the other. Two people become one flesh when they take the vow. Do we become two flesh again because of the infraction? Not until the Catholic Church dissolves the marriage on proven grounds of infidelity. Annulled by the one who blessed the marriage.

In a registered marriage, there is a contract, not a sacramental blessing involving the third person, Jesus Christ, the spiritual groom, who cements the marriage. The diocesan Bishop is persona Christi who, through his priests, blesses and can annul the marriage.

When Lewis asked if Joy Davidson loved him, she said, “ Yes, until death do us part.” So did Merrie and Douglas Gresham, and stayed true to the vow despite hiccups. Peter betrayed Jesus. After His resurrection, Jesus asked Peter thrice, “Do you love me?” to observe the three-fold Jewish custom of forgiveness. Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep”. (Jn 21:17)

If we love someone deeply, is the love predicated on good behaviour? Or is it sacramental? Jesus demonstrated unconditional love by giving up his life, so that those who persecuted Him, then, and even today, are saved when we accept Jesus as Lord and Master. When we have a Douglas/Merri Gresham situation, only then will we know if we will respond in love. Not now.

- Mathew Anthony

A Master Class in Management

 A lifelong learning course in one book - the Bible

Mathew Anthony

just now

October 19, 2026

Fifty-two years ago, in what was arguably the greatest sporting moment of the 20th century, Muhammad Ali regained the world heavyweight championship by scoring an eighth-round knockout of the supposedly invincible George Foreman in Kinshasa, Zaire. “The Rumble in the Jungle”, as it has come to be known.

The fight had everything: the two best heavyweights, the mysterious locale, incredible action, and a storybook ending. However, this showdown is also remembered for the winner exhibiting ‘ring genius’ in the sport’s long history.

Before “The Greatest” found the punches required to cement his legend, he drained Foreman of energy and strength by placing himself in incredible jeopardy. Against an opponent with 37 knockouts in 40 straight wins, the challenger stood with his back to the ropes, feet planted, and subtly defused the lethal bombs coming his way. Rope-a-dope was the ring strategy.

I witnessed this strategy in a video of a table tennis match. One player kept lobbing the ball to have it smashed back 18 consecutive times, ‘draining’ the smasher. Then, in four swift returns, the game wrapped up.

In tennis, a forced error happens when a player makes a mistake in responding to an opponent’s play. A ‘forced error’ reflects the opponent’s skill to win the point. A ‘forced error’ is enforced through aggressive net play, psychological pressure, and speed and angle variations.

Some of the proud religious law-keepers and Herod’s men were sent to trap Jesus in His talk. They came to Him and said, “Teacher, we know You are true. We know You are not afraid of what men think or say about You. You teach the way of God in truth.

To soften Jesus into lowering His guard, they began with flattery that happened to be the truth. The law-keepers took pains to emphasise, repeat, and speak loud enough for Herod’s men to hear. To force Jesus into an error. Human intellect vs divine wisdom.

Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not? Should we pay or not pay?”

We know “Behold, He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.” (Ps 121:4) Jesus knew how they pretended to be someone they were not. Jesus called a spade a spade.

He said to them, “Why do you try to trap Me? Bring Me a small piece of money so I may look at it.” They brought Him one. He asked them, “Whose picture is this? Whose name is on it?” They answered, “Caesar’s.” Then Jesus said to them, “Pay to Caesar the things that belong to Caesar. Pay to God the things that belong to God.” They were surprised and wondered at Him. (Mk 12:13-17)

Immigration officers are like the religious law-makers of Jesus’ time. Their mandate too is to trap, not a legal immigrant like Jesus (“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” (Jn 1:14)), but an illegal one.

They read the person before they examine the papers. A well-crafted application is admittedly correct but has discreet omissions that were not asked for. “Ask no questions, tell no lies”. But a person’s intent to deceive unravels in tell-tale signs. His sweat glands act up, and his eyes refuse to engage. An extended engagement, whether in chess or at a tennis match, builds pressure to force an error. A prized skill for an immigration officer.

The Bible is a master class in management. We see it play out over four thousand years and is sworn by those who have achieved success in their life, ethically. Zig Ziglar, a renowned life coach, wears the Bible on his sleeve. He says, “Woe to me if I do not proclaim the Gospel in my talks on Salesmanship.”

There are sheep, and there are shepherds. The Bible is the interplay of these two entities. It starts at the very beginning in Genesis. God was the Shepherd. It was God’s responsibility to find the pasture for Adam and Eve. As the Creator, He had to lay down the rules. Adam and Eve transgressed the rule and were cast away to find and cultivate their own pasture, “By the sweat of your brow…” (Gen 3:19)

The founder CEO of a company works hard to find pasture, the market for the product, where his employees are shepherded to bear fruit. There are rules. Stray from the rules, and you will have to find your own pasture to graze.

Just as there is one God. There is one CEO. Only schizophrenic companies have two CEOs. Each is still a CEO of his domain. In Jesus’ case, God was the chairman, and his rightful heir the CEO.

As CEO, Jesus first job was recruitment. In a highly competitive market, the best talent, the lawmakers, were taken by a competitive company whose values clashed with the company, the Catholic Church, that Jesus was building. Not that Jesus would have them even if they were available. Jesus created a three-year training program to create a talent pool.

It was not arbitrary. It was Vision-led. Bring salvation to souls lost in the ocean of deceit ruled by Lucifer, the fallen angel. The Mission: “Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone.” (Mk 16:15). The Values: The Beatitudes (Mt 5:2-12): be like the least of the brethren they were to shepherd.

Empires built on Aristotle and Plato’s philosophy lasted centuries but ultimately collapsed. But Jesus’ assurance to Peter has already lasted two millennia. “And I say also unto thee, that thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. (Mt 16:18). No man-made empire or institution can ever hope to replicate God’s Company, the Holy Catholic Church for all people of goodwill.

- Mathew Anthony

Why Do We Die?

 Because we have contempt for good counsel

Mathew Anthony

just now

October 18, 2026

Approximately 60 million people die globally each year — about 164,000 per day, or 1.9 per second. Cardiovascular disease remains the leading cause, accounting for nearly 30% of all deaths. Cancer is the second largest cause at 17%. Non-communicable diseases (NCDs) collectively account for over 74% of all global deaths, reflecting ageing populations and lifestyle factors worldwide. Road injuries are a leading cause of death for young adults aged 15–29.

People die for many reasons. Since 2014, when Yemen tipped into civil war, the country has become one of the most desperate places on earth. GDP per person has fallen by 58%. Most families cannot survive without foreign aid. More than 2m children under five are malnourished. Yet the Houthis, the Iran-backed rebels who are one side of the conflict, fight on. They care little about governing and extort enough money to keep their war machine humming.

Bosnia-Herzegovina earlier, and large swathes of Africa where genocide is routine as part of ethnic cleansing. In a minor way, it is also true in the Global South for reasons of caste, gender, and religion.

The Old Testament is replete with idol worshippers being wiped out, and in the New Testament, the persecution that Christians faced in Rome and continue to face where they are a minority. Yes, being a minority in a majoritarian state is unsettling. Yet people choose to stay. It is home to them. Elsewhere, they will be refugees or potentially deported.

What is home? It is where the family is. It is where the community is. It is where the farm is, the economic engine, in a manner of speaking, that feeds the family, provides a roof over heads and food on the table. The community ensures continuity. Marriages occur among like-minded people with common beliefs and cultural systems. There is security in numbers.

In times of grief and distress, the community coalesces to provide support and mitigation. It can also rise in defence of the other. “When Abram heard that his relative had been captured, he mobilized the 318 trained men born in his household, and they pursued the invaders as far as Dan.” (Gen 14:14). Those who can mobilise become leaders. They express the collective concerns. Perceived prophets lead where the state declares that the religious text will be the constitution. Iran and Sharia Law are an instance.

The news of sickness or death draws a pause and a pallor of sadness. Phones buzz and the chat room bursts with activity. At this point, the ones who know are busy attending to the person. No one really knows since no one is telling.

The closest relatives are in denial. They do not want to accept the bad news. They hold out hope of a mistaken identity or a mistaken diagnosis. Reality dawns; acceptance follows; the buzz resumes; the next steps are determined.

Until the press release, so to speak, hits the wire, misinformation has already spread. There are multiple versions afloat. Chinese whispers are at play. The most distorted version reigns because it is the ‘newsiest’. Difficult to say what is tragic. The bad news or the badly mauled news.

A store owner in our layout died. He was well-regarded, in his mid-thirties, married, with two young children. He materialised wherever help was needed. I heard the news on the community chat group. I felt sad that a life was snuffed out in its youth. I did not choose to enquire what happened. I was confident the details would filter through, some imagined and some documented. The last thing one wants to do is ask the grieving family or get it wrong.

A few days later, I heard it all as an eavesdropper. Like Jesus listening in on the two disciples on the Road to Emmaus. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him. (Lk 24:14-16)

Of the pair talking outside our kitchen window, one knew all that happened to the man who died. The other wanted to know all that happened. A jaundiced liver inflamed by alcoholism. The curse of alcoholism was following the man’s spouse. Her father too was an alcoholic. She was a witness to her father’s drinking bouts and abuse. The spouse was willing to excuse every misdeed, even permitting her husband to eat what was religiously forbidden.

They stood still, their faces downcast. One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?” He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.” (Lk 24: 18, 25-27)

The man is dead, leaving behind a store, spouse, and two school-going children. As mentioned, he was helpful, but also careless with money. He lent to help, or for usury; we would not know. He bought a car to be one with his middle-class customers, residents of the layout who bought from his store. But he could not pay rent on the store or restock when supplies ran out.

What makes us do what we do when our better self tells us to do otherwise? Why do we not listen to the prophets God sends us? The man who died was counselled by his landlord, who even overlooked the rent not being paid, and also by ‘the man who knew what happened’. The curse took its toll.

Jesus took our burden upon Himself that we may be saved. Now the children and spouse will bear the burden of one who would not listen to good advice. Do we see ourselves in this man who died, who would not listen to good counsel? Do we too hear but not do?

- Mathew Anthony